Four words that should strike fear in the heart of every good and decent American:

Fred Durst sex tape.

First off, this is SO 1997. Secondly, I find it hilarious that instead of releasing another album, this happens to pump up his rep. I'm starting to think that I need to do one of these in order to get famous.

In other news, they say Paris' cell phone was hacked. Looking at the pics that are floating around, only one thing comes to mind: why so many pictures of the owner of the cell phone? And does she have someone to take the pics for her?