The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

So things have been interesting the last few nights.

Before I begin, mad props to Erick the Smart Ass AP for running things for a couple of days last week. Through a hostage crisis and ensuing standoff, among other things, he helped keep things rolling during the morning shift.

It seems as though I may never be a part of any "booty brigade" because of one thing: Lately, I am somehow incapable of procuring booty for myself. And when I make plans to try and get any, pangs of guilt seem to shoot through my brain. I was thinking about going to Austin today to see a friend of mine. She was in dead days before finals, I had a day off, I figured, "why not?" But I figured that if I did end up going there, fooling around would have likely occured.

Here's the thing... last night, something happened. I'm still not quite sure what caused it, but what happened was REAL bad. And probably kept me from going to Austin today.

While out drinking with friends, I went to the restroom of the bar we were at. My mind was wandering (as it has a habit of doing after a few beers), and I happened to ponder the subject of out-of-body experiences. Somewhere in between that restroom visit and the drive home, I started panicking about death and what would happen to me after I died. Mind you, I have experienced deaths in the family before, but I got preoccupied with what would happen to: A) me, B) my soul, C) those around me after I passed. And those thoughts really scared me. Caused me not to go to sleep for an hour or so after I got home. I did eventually get some sleep, but awoke today with some lingering questions. Namely, how do I deal with this, and how do I stop worrying about this? I've only been able to talk to one person about this (ironically, the person I was supposed to visit in Austin). I'd like to beat this thing quick, before I have to go into work again.

Speaking of work, things there have been going well (so far as I can tell, anyway). No yelling or being talked to, which is always a good thing. At last count, I'm about halfway through my review period, so hopefully all goes well there. I've even been out to lunch with some of my colleagues from the morning shift. I'm still trying to get a somewhat regular sleep schedule down, though. Either that or get out of my current shift (which probably won't happen anytime soon).

Okay, enough big topics for one night... I need some rest.

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