The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

8 shopping days left...

So last week I was called into a quick little meeting at work with my supervisor and his boss (head of the department). At first, I was worried that they were gonna chew me out for something. But they told me that the "probation" tag that I was carrying since last month was going to be removed. That's right, folks. It's official. I'll now be receiving benefits (as well as free cable) from the station. And to think it only took me about three months to get there.

Even better, later that day, that station had a little party (complete with large chocolate cake) for all the people at the station with May birthdays. I even got a break from the audio board to enjoy said cake. Chocolate and health insurance... what a way to go.

Okay, so I had another little crisis of conscience yesterday (following a concert with Godsmack and Stone Sour, among others). Not as bad as last week's episode, but still bad enough. I did figure out two parallels between these occurances.

A) I had been drinking. (Not as much yesterday, the venue charged $6+ a beer...)
B) I had missed church. (Last week due to sleeping after work, this week due to the concert, Mother's Day activities, and sleeping)

So I tried to get to Mass today. I had a grand plan to go to Daily Mass where I used to go to church up in Austin, and follow it up with lunch with Suzanne. It didn't happen, due to the fact that I didn't get to sleep last night until 5 or so, woke up around 3. I'm thinking of trying again tomorrow, but it's not looking too good.

I guess I've been wrestling with something during the last few days. The problem of transitioning from dumbass college student to dumbass adult. I guess I'm having trouble really nailing down what defines me as a person. I've also been trying to do some new things, as well as figuring out what else I want to try. I've done indoor rock climbing, tried to get back into swing dancing... hell, I even bought a book last week (and read it as well)!

Suffice to say, I'm kind of glad I'm not the only one going through this. I only hope I get through it soon.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

Oh yeah, one more thing...

My birthday's in two weeks. If there's enough clamor for it, I'd be willing to make up an Amazon wishlist for all you lovely readers to buy stuff. ;)

So things have been interesting the last few nights.

Before I begin, mad props to Erick the Smart Ass AP for running things for a couple of days last week. Through a hostage crisis and ensuing standoff, among other things, he helped keep things rolling during the morning shift.

It seems as though I may never be a part of any "booty brigade" because of one thing: Lately, I am somehow incapable of procuring booty for myself. And when I make plans to try and get any, pangs of guilt seem to shoot through my brain. I was thinking about going to Austin today to see a friend of mine. She was in dead days before finals, I had a day off, I figured, "why not?" But I figured that if I did end up going there, fooling around would have likely occured.

Here's the thing... last night, something happened. I'm still not quite sure what caused it, but what happened was REAL bad. And probably kept me from going to Austin today.

While out drinking with friends, I went to the restroom of the bar we were at. My mind was wandering (as it has a habit of doing after a few beers), and I happened to ponder the subject of out-of-body experiences. Somewhere in between that restroom visit and the drive home, I started panicking about death and what would happen to me after I died. Mind you, I have experienced deaths in the family before, but I got preoccupied with what would happen to: A) me, B) my soul, C) those around me after I passed. And those thoughts really scared me. Caused me not to go to sleep for an hour or so after I got home. I did eventually get some sleep, but awoke today with some lingering questions. Namely, how do I deal with this, and how do I stop worrying about this? I've only been able to talk to one person about this (ironically, the person I was supposed to visit in Austin). I'd like to beat this thing quick, before I have to go into work again.

Speaking of work, things there have been going well (so far as I can tell, anyway). No yelling or being talked to, which is always a good thing. At last count, I'm about halfway through my review period, so hopefully all goes well there. I've even been out to lunch with some of my colleagues from the morning shift. I'm still trying to get a somewhat regular sleep schedule down, though. Either that or get out of my current shift (which probably won't happen anytime soon).

Okay, enough big topics for one night... I need some rest.